The Official Wednesday Cookbook

MEMORANDUM

FROM: The Nevermore Academy Faculty
RE: The Official Wednesday Cookbook

Greetings! And welcome to Nevermore Academy!

Outreach Day is here once again! This time of year, we at Nevermore Academy like to pull back the ivy and allow a sneak peek into our otherworldly operations in an effort to foster peace and harmony between Outcasts and the rest of the world. In the past, we’ve sent students out into your local community to volunteer their services and showcase their talents. But this year we hoped to do things a little differently (as well as sidestep some unfortunate . . . incidents . . . that may or may not have been incited by a certain now-deceased Nevermore Academy educator).

Our idea was simple. Instead of having our pupils join you in your community, we wanted to invite you to join them here at Nevermore Academy—to grant you the privilege of taking a terrifying tour behind the vaunted iron gates and see Nevermore Academy firsthand, in all its gloomy glory.

But then we talked to our board.

In the end, the powers that be decided that for the safety of all normies involved (as well as the safekeeping of some school secrets), it might be wiser to open our doors to you metaphorically instead. Which brings us to this book— an official Nevermore Academy cookbook, showcasing a taste of everything we offer at our illustrious institution.

We hope you understand.

Up until now, these recipes were kept hidden from the rest of the world in our special Nevermore Academy secret library, guarded by our illustrious alumnus Edgar Allan Poe. But now, in a gesture of goodwill, we are releasing them into the world so you and your family can re-create the macabre meals we love in the comfort of your own oh-so-normal kitchen.

A little background about our school for those of you unfamiliar: Founded in 1791 by Nathaniel Faulkner, an explorer who traveled the world cataloging Outcasts, Nevermore Academy has grown into a thriving institution and safe haven for those deemed “other.” For more than two hundred years we’ve been nurturing and educating Outcasts, freaks, and monsters. And today we offer a rigorous academic experience, as well as world-class extracurriculars (archery, fencing, Séance Society, even beekeeping). And, most important, we help our students grow into their full potential, no matter how peculiar they might be. Whether they identify as a werewolf, vampire, siren, gorgon, shapeshifter, or psychic, our academy is a place they can all call home.

Let’s be clear. This is no ordinary cookbook. Since our student body hails from all over the world (and underworld), each student comes to Nevermore Academy with their own unique tastes and dietary requirements. Which means it can be a challenge for our chefs to provide a menu varied enough to keep every student, regardless of background, feeling full, fabulous, and nonferal. Thankfully our award-winning cafeteria staff is up for the challenge, working day and night to create exceptional recipes for every appetite.

Our chefs know that vampires prefer their meals to be as bloody as possible, and werewolves mostly munch on meat. Scales are often pescatarians, preferring their food to have once swum in the sea, while gorgons tend to favor food that’s hard as a rock. And then there are the particularly picky cases, like Wednesday Addams, a legacy student who came to Nevermore Academy this past semester and who insists on eating only foods as dark as her soul.

The cumulation of centuries of food research by our kitchen staff, the Nevermore Academy cookbook contains sixty recipes from all corners of the academy, ranging from bloodcurdling breakfasts, Thing’s finger foods, and midday macabre meals to dinners of dark despair. We even offer up some devilish desserts and sinister sips, perfect for your next Rave’N Ball (see page 206).

In addition to our regular cafeteria fare, we invited our student body and illustrious alumni to submit their own recipes, described in their own words. Some took the assignment more seriously—and competitively—than others. Notable alumni Morticia and Gomez Addams have contributed some dishes inspired by Gomez’s homeland, all with an Addams Family twist.

We have also included some legacy recipes from our Nevermore Academy vaults. (Who would have guessed that our peculiar poet laureate Edgar Allan made such a mean Poe’tato?) And no Nevermore Academy cookbook could be complete without some torturous tweaks to a few of your own classic Jericho dishes and Weathervane drinks, to help you replace yet another dull Thanksgiving with a frightful and delightful Freaksgiving Feast (see page 210). You’re welcome.

We should warn you, our editors did ask us to alter a few key ingredients in some of these dark delights. For example, we regret to inform you that Uncle Fester’s Scout’s Honor Cookies (page 158) no longer contain any actual scouts. We also apologize that all the recipes in this book are now 100 percent nontoxic (so you can take that deadly nightshade off your shopping list). To be more inclusive of all eating habits, you’ll find some suggested substitutions for those with dietary restrictions on foods that contain gluten, dairy, and human blood or require a virgin sacrifice.

So whether you’re a normie looking to paint it black at your next scary soirée or are just hoping to soothe your ravenous ravens after school gets out, we hope you will enjoy this unprecedented peek into our woefully weird world and begin to realize that, at the end of the day, we are more alike than different. And that by working together we can start forming a bond between Outcasts and normies that will hopefully last . . . evermore.