CHAPTER 1THE WOUNDED MAN“Queen Afua made me aware that I could heal myself. . . . She was the first to talk to me about life with the solution being life.” —Noreaga
Hip-Hop ArtistThe reason a man would seek to heal himself is because in so many ways he has been wounded. This chapter takes a look at five types of men who are wounded in their physical, mental, spiritual, and social states of being. These wounds include the decline of man, the blockages in man, the issue of being “half a man,” the attitudes of a man who lacks in many parts of his life. Men can overcome these states of
disease. Once a man is honest with his emotions, then and only then can he transform himself into a natural, brilliant, loving, powerfully balanced man-state. He will be able to restore and secure his breath of life. Through the 12-week journey, he will learn how to restore and rejuvenate wellness to the 12 Aritu (checkpoints) so that eventually he can achieve optimal wellness socially, emotionally, and spiritually.
THE COMMON MAN“Don’t be common.” Our mother would say this to my brothers and I whenever we, as children, “acted up.” According to my mother, being “common’’ was the worst thing we could ever be. But “the Common Man” doesn’t describe only those who are “acting up”; generally, he is a man who is normal and average. His life is complacent and uneventful; he lives safely in the bosom of mediocrity. A Common Man has Lack Syndrome, which keeps his life deficient, uneventful, and unfulfilled. A Common Man is a Wounded Man because his limited vision and low energy cause him to suffer from physical, emotional, social, sexual, and financial challenges. He is trapped in toxic, low-frequency, stressful, out-of-control relationships. A Common Man is disconnected from his inner and outer power mentally, physically, and spiritually. You must be willing to overcome the Common Man in order to Man Heal Thyself of Health and Longevity to the Supreme Man of Optimal Wellness.
THE NEGATIVE ALPHA MANThe phone rings. A man has called. He says,
“Queen, I heard your presentation in Atlanta, Georgia, at the Shrine of the Black Madonna. You spoke about the Negative Alpha Man. I felt you were talking about—
and to—
me.” In a quivering voice, the man continues,
“I don’t want to be that man anymore. I keep losing my mates because of the Negative Alpha Man influence, and I want to change. I have a mate at present, and I hope the Negative Alpha Man didn’t already run her away like the others. It’s like I can’t control myself, like another me takes over. I start off as a Positive Alpha Man and then the moment I feel secure in the relationship the Negative Alpha Man kicks in, and I begin dominating and controlling the relationship. Queen, please help me, I want to be healed.”By the time Queen finished speaking with him, he was ready to claim his true self and take on the Wellness Warrior that would walk him through the 12 states of manhood. An Alpha Man in a negative state is a dominating, aggressive, pushy, short-fused, controlling, manipulating Know-It-All. He is verbally oppressive and abusive and maybe even physically violent. The Negative Alpha Man believes it’s “his way or the highway.” He’s egotistically driven. The Negative Alpha Man does not share his full heart for fear of hurt, and he suppresses his problems and pain. The suppressed pain lashes out in a backhand slap to the woman, who, according to him, “talks too much.” He hides himself in silence in hopes that no one finds out about his rage.
The Negative Alpha Man keeps his woman “in check” and under control and keeps her family and friends at a distance. The Negative Alpha Man views his mate as his property and wants to ensure that she is not influenced by what he views as “outside forces.” The Negative Alpha Man has the skill to present himself as a Positive Alpha Man (page 12) to the public, but behind the door dwells the Negative Alpha Man. His wife is afraid, his children are distant, and his friends are concerned.
The Negative Alpha Man is emotionally unavailable to his wife after the honeymoon wears off. He pats his children on their heads, disciplines them, contributes to their upkeep; but don’t expect him to rock, hold, or cradle them. After all, he provided the seed of them—that’s enough, according to the Negative Alpha Man.
The Negative Alpha Man and the Positive Alpha Man do have one thing in common. Both believe that crying to release pain, hurt, and disappointment is a sign of weakness, when, in fact, if a man is able to cry when needed, he will be able to purify his heart. With the flow of his tears, his water element will become
undammed. This will cause his high blood pressure to lower and will prevent heart attacks and depression.
The Negative Alpha Man commonly works himself to death. Heart attacks and strokes are natural occurrences in the Negative Alpha Man. When a man treats his wife as his child and his children as his possessions, he is at the height of being the Negative Alpha Man. If, as a chronic Negative Alpha Man, you meet your reflection—a Negative Alpha Woman—and you want to save yourself, don’t walk, RUN for your life onto the journey to Man Heal Thyself.
THE ANGRY OLD MANThe Angry Old Man has a special chair that he sits in night after night. The chair has a dent in it because he’s been sitting in it for so long. He sits his life away, watching television while other people win the game of life, or lose the girl, or fight for their beliefs. He lost control, and he can’t seem to get out of the funk. He is stuck in the complacency that surrounds him. The Angry Old Man is a tired and depressed man that could be as young as 18 or as old as 88. An Angry Old Man is an attitude. The Angry Old Man is a man who has not fulfilled his life and whose dreams have been deferred. His hopes have not been realized, and his visions have yet to be manifested. As a result, the Angry Old Man feels empty of self-satisfaction and full of anger and regrets. He is angry because he has not been heard, he feels unappreciated, and he is not recognized for his gifts and talents. He is angry and old because his heart is filled with rage, hate, disgust, dismay, resentment, and hurt resulting from unhealed wounds of the past. He is angry and old because, unbeknownst to himself, he has created a box that he lives in with a sign on it that reads, “Stay Away! Love doesn’t live here!” People around him get it, and they stay clear of the Angry Old Man. This only makes him angrier, for it’s the aloneness that causes the anger to fester and results in the Angry Old Man harboring tension that keeps even the Angry Old Man away from himself—lacking self-love.
The Angry Old Man’s state was planted in the sperm and in the ovum at the conception long before he was born and was passed down over generations. The Angry Old Man’s state continued to grow when, as a small boy and as a youth, Daddy didn’t hug him, or Mother ignored him, or both parents worked so hard that they didn’t have much “lap time” to give him. Maybe he wasn’t held as a baby at his mother’s breast or in his father’s arms; therefore, he suffers starvation for healthy touch. Perhaps he was a latchkey kid or lived in a single-parent home where he waited for Daddy, who never returned home. He might have experienced many false promises from the elders that were in fact broken, so as a youth, his heart shut down to protect him from more pain. He may have even been sexually assaulted, and so, as he carried his lack of love into his adulthood, the assault absolutely had to be a secret. The Angry Old Man runs away—from his children, his wife, his friends, himself. He seldom has anything good to speak on because he’s so filled with what he feels—hurt turned into anger. The Angry Old Man could show up as demonic, for indeed what has happened is that the anger has turned in on itself and “possessed” the host.
The Angry Old Man has a special seat in his house that becomes his Throne of Anger. As a “couch potato,” the Angry Old Man sits and absorbs reflections of the pain in his own life while he stares at the lives of others—in pain—on the five and six and all-day and all-night o’clock news. He adds the bad news, sad news, violent news to his own pain, so the Angry Old Man’s inner condition gets worse. The Angry Old Man ages quickly. His heart is weakened, broken, and heavy, and he is therefore a candidate for a sudden heart attack or slow-to-come stroke. For the Angry Old Man, the Common Man, and the Negative Alpha Man, there is a way out by bravely taking the journey through the 12 states of Man Heal Thyself to a Supreme Man of Optimal Living.
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